When nagging is constant in a marriage, it can lead the couple down the path to divorce rather than happiness. It is the subject of many jokes, but the truth is, nagging can be as bad in a marriage as deep financial problems or infidelity. It can be toxic to a relationship and can cause a couple to fall out of love with one another.
]]> Research released in the Journal of Family Psychology recently indicated that unhappy couples with five years in a marriage had a 20 percent increase in negative communication and a 12 percent decrease in positive communication. Howard Markman, psychology professor at the University of Denver, conducted the research.When couples begin to argue and nag rather than discuss problems to reach solutions, marital nagging becomes a prime contributor to divorces across the nation, including Georgia. The research shows that different personalities often contribute to the nagging. When one partner is laid back, the other partner might feel that he or she (experts say that, for various reasons, females are more likely to nag) is helping by nagging, according to Dr. Markman.
If two people are not meant for each other, conflict in the marriage can bring out the nagging in anyone, but if you want happiness together, refraining from the urge to nag your partner is a good start.
Source: Wall Street Journal, "Meet the marriage killer" Jan. 25, 2012
]]>The ongoing debate and multiple bills that are being passed in various states' legislatures might not actually seem all that interesting or relevant to many Georgia residents. The "bad law" cited by proponents of change in many states and what they say are often draconian and patently unfair outcome based on out-of-date statutory mandates is largely absent in Georgia, where alimony has historically been construed as a narrow judicial remedy following divorce.
]]> We have visited the point in previous blog posts, noting that -- unlike many other states -- Georgia law didn't even provide for alimony (also called spousal maintenance) until relatively recently. In fact, it was written into the state's Divorce Code in 1980.Moreover, and again being dissimilar to the situation in many other states, Georgia judges comparatively entertain a great amount of discretion in considering and awarding alimony. In some other states, that degree of discretion lacks, with, instead, laws that explicitly state what is required in a given case.
The point most fundamentally made in other states by those who seek change is that current laws were often written in times that now seem almost fictional, that is, when marriages seldom failed and women almost never worked outside the home or had independent income. Under those circumstances, a divorce often meant true and dire hardship, with alimony being a necessary tool to ensure a divorced woman wouldn't become destitute.
Thus, the impetus in many states is to replace those laws with new ones.
Some people, while noting the need for change, fear that, citing "unintended consequences" and the adverse role that newly enumerated rules might play in certain instances in unduly harming a spouse with legitimate need. They say that such rules might hamper judges from exercising discretion to ensure an equitable outcome.
That seems unlikely in Georgia, where judges have always had ample discretion over alimony. Indeed, and unlike states such as Massachusetts, no statutory guidelines even exist to guide a state judge in an alimony determination.
Source: USA TODAY, "Should alimony laws be changed?" Yamiche Alcindor, Jan. 19, 2012
]]>Added to that, more women are educated and financially secure during and after a marriage. Many times, following a divorce, men are ordered by the courts to pay child support or alimony, which helps an ex-wife continue to go to school or build a career.
With women less dependent on men to be the sole breadwinner in a relationship, they are seeking goals and careers that make them happy. However, the same can't be said about men overall. Many of them are seeing incomes reduced because of added financial responsibilities. In a tough economy, the loss of a job typically held by a man could be financially devastating, after already losing the wife's income and paying alimony or child support.
The report states that, despite positive news for many women, 60 percent of single moms still live in financial insecurity, with Hispanic and African-American women listed with the lowest incomes. A separate study also revealed that 84 percent of women who have divorced remain insecure about setting specific financial goals.
Source: Business Insider, "It's getting easier for women to bounce back after divorce" Jill Krasny, Jan. 11, 2012
]]>Although Solin notes that shared custody and more liberal visitation rights have become increasingly commonplace for more men across the country in recent years, he notes just as strongly that many dads still feel overwhelmed and comparatively unprotected in the judicial arena when divorce and kids are involved.
]]> Solin states that, "It takes two people to make a marriage work and two to destroy it," and that while arguments can be made concerning blame in every marriage breakdown, what remains of constant importance is that both parents play a strong and active role in their children's lives post-divorce.He maintains that courts still, and often, don't see it that way, "operating instead from a 1950s paradigm in which fathers were considered breadwinners with little hands-on parental input."
Solin is a strong supporter of a shared custodial and financial arrangement between the parents in virtually every divorce, stating that it is most advantageous for the children.
In Georgia, a well-intentioned and loving father should contact an experienced divorce attorney to ensure that all important divorce-related concerns are addressed and equitably dealt with.
That includes child custody and visitation matters, as well as issues such as child support (where men sometimes feel especially helpless and vulnerable) and alimony.
Source: Huffington Post, "Divorced dads deserve better" Ken Solin, Jan. 4, 2012
]]>Source: Huffington Post, "The power of intentions -- thriving through divorce" Melanie Gorman, Jan. 10, 2012
]]>"January really does see a lot of divorces," says one family law consultant.
Is that really true? According to a number of diverse sources, it is. Statistics compiled by one online divorce-related company say that more people divorce during January than in any other month. There is evidence that online searches regarding divorce and page views of divorce-related information skyrocket immediately following Christmas.
]]> What makes January so special in this regard?Actually, say some pundits, anyone interested in knowing need look no further than the children. Most divorces in January involve families with kids, and a prevalent view as to why that is posits that most families are simply loath to begin a divorce process during the winter holidays.
The holidays, notes the founder of an online divorce website, "are supposed to be a magical time."
January is about resolutions and fresh starts, and an unhappy couple knowing that their once-happy and strong marriage is irretrievable often acts with resolve as the new year unfolds.
Tax status, too, can play a role, with the IRS determining a person's filing status by what that status was on December 31 of the preceding year.
Family law practitioners, counselors and other interested parties note that there is obviously not a single optimal time for divorcing, since the characteristics and features of every divorce are clearly unique.
As noted by the founder of a website stressing post-divorce life and matters, "Couples have to weigh the costs and benefits of divorce year-round."
Source; Huffington Post, "January: More divorces than any other month?" Meghan Beresford, Jan. 10, 2012
]]>A child custody dispute that is unfolding between an adoptive South Carolina couple and the Cherokee Nation highlights just how important it can be to note and account for Indian lineage and tribal blood when it is present in an adoption, wherever the adoption occurs in the United States.
]]> In the South Carolina case, the couple adopted a baby girl in 2009, with the birth mother signing away legal rights in the adoption. No mention was made of Indian heritage.The birth father, however, is a Cherokee Indian, and he began pressing for full custody rights in 2010 through the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA). That federal legislation was enacted as a tool for promoting the continuing stability and culture of American Indian tribes.
The birth father, represented by the Cherokee Nation, was ruled earlier this month to have full custody rights over the child, and she was removed from her South Carolina home and placed with him in Oklahoma.
In a statement issued by the Cherokee Nation, an attorney employed by the tribe stated its commitment to "work tirelessly to fight for the rights of Cherokee children and their parents ... in tribal, state and federal courts across the nation."
The adoptive couple, while acknowledging the intent of the ICWA, says it is "being abused" in their case, with removal not being in their adopted daughter's best interest.
Source: Fox, "SC couple fights for custody of adopted child now in OK" Adam Paluka, Jan. 5, 2012
]]>As a result of that, an estimated 3,500 parents were jailed in the state last year following child support proceedings brought by state attorneys on behalf of the state's Department of Human Services in which they appeared without a legal advocate.
]]> A judicial order issued recently by a Fulton County Superior Court judge promises to change that common outcome. On December 30, 2010, Judge Jerry Baxter ruled that parents who face possible jail time because they are delinquent on child support payments can attain class-action status against the state if they are indigent and involved in civil contempt actions brought by state attorneys.A lawsuit filed against Georgia last year by five parents claims that the state is fostering contemporary debtor's prisons when it incarcerates parents in arrears who are unemployed or disabled.
Baxter's ruling seems to support that charge. If plaintiffs win their lawsuit, the state would be required to put aside funds to pay for legal counsel in cases involving indigents.
The state will appeal the ruling to the Georgia Supreme Court. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled last year that a South Carolina man jailed for failure to pay child support was not entitled to legal counsel, but that case did not involve a state attorney or South Carolina's social services agency.
Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution "Judge allows thousands to join child support lawsuit" Bill Rankin, Jan. 3, 2012
]]>Walker is currently going through the bankruptcy process, and because of that the judge said he could not take action on the child support claims until Walker's bankruptcy matters were resolved.
]]> Walker had a successful, 13-year career in the NBA, where he was named a three-time All-Star and made about $110 million playing for teams that included the Boston Celtics, Miami Heat and Atlanta Hawks. Walker has run through all of his money, though, and filed for bankruptcy in May 2010.The judge presiding over the child support case said a federal judge will need to decide whether the child support proceedings can continue even though the bankruptcy case remains unresolved.
This isn't Walker's first bout of financial troubles. Prior to his bankruptcy, the former NBA star was sued for failing to pay his debts. He was also a victim in a high-profile armed robbery in 2007, where assailants bound him with duct tape and stole his cash, car and jewelry.
The mother of Walker's youngest child provided documents indicating that Walker owes nearly $28,000 in tuition to his daughter's school. Additionally, he has not made his monthly child support payments -- each of them amounting to $4,200 annually -- in more than two years.
Walker's bankruptcy filing listed more than $12 million in debts he says he is unable to pay back. His current child support bill owed is more than $117,000.
Source: Chicago Tribune, "Antoine Walker accused of not paying child support, tuition" Naomi Nix, Dec. 23, 2011
]]>Georgia divorce experts note that divorce can be notoriously difficult for children, making it all the more important that divorcing couples be mindful of their children and make an effort to keep the process from being disruptive and painful, to the fullest extent possible. It's worth considering how your children would prefer you to handle the situation. What would the rules be if your kids made them?
]]> It turns out kids do have preferences when it comes to their parents' behavior. One small survey of children ages 10 to 12 compiled a list of the most common requests kids would make of their parents -- if they listened.The most common "rule" established by children was that parents would not say mean things about each other. . Many children of divorcing parents seem very interested in finding out what they can do to stop bad-mouthing, but the unfortunate truth for these children is that only the parents can control what is said.
Many children also express unhappiness when they are dragged into adult problems such as child support, child custody or cooperation generally in the divorce proceedings. Using children as pawns in the divorce -- especially when the children are aware of it -- can be emotionally damaging and very confusing to them.
Other common responses from children were requests that parents avoid using blame or guilt to manipulate their children, that they avoid fighting in front of the children, and that they cooperate enough to coexist at big events, such as graduations and weddings.
Source: Huffington Post, "If your kids could make the rules of divorce" Kara Bishop, Dec. 29, 2011
]]>Don't confuse your kids.
]]> In the "old" days, norms and expectations in America regarding child custody following a divorce were far different than they are now, with today's outcomes reflecting the rise of joint custody and the parenting plans created to make sense of a shared custody arrangement.Fathers are increasingly involved in their children's lives post-divorce, whether in Georgia or elsewhere throughout the country, and parenting plans now routinely provide the framework for setting forth former partners' expectations regarding how shared custody arrangements will work.
That change is coupled, too, with a modified family landscape in American life. Over recent decades, increasingly more marriages have been marked by multicultural elements. Spouses are often from different countries. Religious faith and beliefs can vary among family members. Views on holidays, schooling, language learning and a number of other factors can all be central considerations in a modern family.
Especially one in which the partners are divorcing or have just divorced. Child custody agreements often reflect this complexity, with detailed arrangements concerning a number of matters spelled out at length and seeking to cover every contingency.
Family law counselors, attorneys and other persons closely involved with such matters say that common sense , flexibility and keeping things simple are key when a couple sits down and begins discussing a child custody agreement.
"You have to be careful with this stuff," says one counselor, noting the tendency some people have with trying to be all-inclusive in a written document.
Source: The Washington Post, "Divorce's details: Custody agreements are getting more complex" Michelle Boorstein, Dec. 26, 2011
]]>Rich enough, indeed, to have hundreds of millions of dollars left over following court-mandated outlays for child support and other matters relating to his estrangement from ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva.
And, now, still solidly in the black following the details that emerged last week from the divorce settlement finally realized with his wife of nearly three decades, Robyn.
The settlement constitutes a virtual definition for the term high-asset divorce.
]]> Consider that Gibson's net worth as an actor, producer and business tycoon has been estimated as high as $850 million. Passion of the Christ, a film he directed, grossed $600 million alone.The divorce settlement reflects that rarefied air, with Robyn, the mother of the couple's seven children, being legally entitled to half of everything Gibson earned during their lengthy marriage.
California's community property regime helps see to that. So, too, does the absence of a premarital agreement between the couple, which is always a central media inquiry into the marriage dissolution of any celebrity like Gibson.
Gibson's holdings include more than $100 million in real estate investments, including an island he owns in Fiji. He has reportedly already transferred two Malibu homes worth more than $22 million to his ex-wife.
Gibson met his former spouse in Australia in the 1970s shortly after filming Mad Max, the film that initially thrust him into star status.
Source: People, "Mel Gibson's ex wife takes half his estimated $850 million in divorce settlement" Ken Lee, Dec. 23, 2011
]]>There is no equivalent counterpart within the state for dealing with ex-spouses who, following a divorce, underperform in their alimony (spousal support or maintenance) duties, but many of the same remedies exist for spouses who take an alimony matter to court and prove their case before a judge.
]]> Failure of a former partner to honor alimony obligations is far from being deemed a trivial offense in Georgia or elsewhere across the country. In fact, it is considered as being in contempt of a court order, and judges routinely respond to egregious cases of non-payment in instances where a party is believed to have the ability to pay by taking any of a number of strong remedial actions.Those include the following and additional measures: garnishment of wages; withholding of tax refunds and workers' compensation payments; putting a lien on realty and/or personal property; outright seizure of property through a writ of execution; suspension of a driver's license or other license; and notification to credit bureaus of delinquent payments.
Singly or collectively, these are strong coercive measures that can quickly bring about changed behavior in many ex-spouses with payment obligations.
The key to increasing chances of recovering unpaid alimony payments, say experts in the field, is to maintain accurate and detailed records concerning them.
Source: Forbes,"How can a divorcing woman get the child support, alimony she is owed?" Jeff Landers, Dec. 14, 2011
]]>A fundamental and preliminary point to note -- and one we have pointed out for readers in prior blog posts -- is that an automatic assumption of mom getting primary custody rights as a virtual default is off base. Times have changed, and custody laws reflect that by being more gender neutral than in years past. That is certainly true in Georgia.
]]> A few bullet points serve admirably to summarize what to be thinking hard about in a child custody point. Central considerations should include the following:And don't get involved in a child custody dispute without first retaining and thereafter scrupulously following the advice of a skilled attorney. Minimize the potential for problems and mistakes by adhering to the advice of a trained professional.
Source: Huffington Post, "How to lose child custody" Dec. 12, 2011
]]>Undoubtedly, his soon-to-be ex-wife Vanessa is well aware of all the material details, since she filed for divorce from Bryant last week. Given the couple's high profile and glamorous lifestyle (e.g., Kobe gave Vanessa a ring valued at $4 million following a sexual assault charge he was facing in 2003), the dissolution promises to qualify as a high-asset divorce in all dimensions.
]]> Notably, the couple has been married for more than 10 years. Under California law -- different from Georgia law in some respects, most immediately in that California is a community property rather than an equitable distribution state -- a marriage of more than a decade is deemed to be lengthy, meaning that a spouse such as Vanessa is legally entitled to maintain her accustomed standard of living post-divorce.Some experts say that, with Bryant having an estimated net worth of at least $150 million, Vanessa will walk away from the divorce with fully half of that, plus continuing spousal and child support.
That estimate is based on a belief that the couple did not execute a prenuptial agreement prior to marriage. Under California law, and in the absence of such an agreement, Vanessa would be entitled to half of all the couple's community property.
Source: Los Angeles Times, "Experts say Bryant's wife stands to make windfall in divorce" Rick Rojas and Richard Winton, Dec. 20, 2011
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